Everyone knows this bathroom. This baby's a staple, much like its library counterpart. You will find it much more to your liking though. It's a very clean bathroom, but I'm going to get something out of the way first. There is always toilet paper in the smaller of the two stalls, or there are little floaties. This will no doubt make you want to stroll over to the "handicrapper." There are always streaks on this one though because the bowl doesn't fill up very high with water. I personally will take the streaks though. They won't splash up on you when you drop a torpedo (the type of deuce that when it hits the water, splashes a little on your behind, you know what I'm talking about) like floaties might, and they often flush easier.
Modern artwork can be found in the smaller stall. You can have an enlightened moment with a Gandhi-esque mural right across from you. This will make up for the low positioning of the toilet. A little one way conversation with the boss of peace will surely calm the senses for a relaxing poo.
I go for comfort though. Gandhi's sacrifice didn't get India too far in the big scheme of things, so I don't know how much it will help my pooping. If that's your thing though, go for it. I find the height of the "handicrapper" to be reminiscent of the positioning of the throne found in the executive suite. The writings on the wall were a bit aggressive though. But if you are into promiscuous women, I suggest you stop by there for some opportunities. ZMB gave a shout out, while Pi Kappa Phis were made fun of once again.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5. Whether it's Gandhi you want to put on a pedestal or yourself, you'll be satisfied here.
Accessibility: 3 out of 5. It's on the backside (no pun intended) of campus, but everyone stops by the computer center for something. And since it takes five minutes for those computers to load up, you should have ample time for a quality dismissal of waste.
Writings: 3 out of 5. Gandhi is enjoying himself in there. So should you. I do feel bad for the people named on the walls though. One of the girls, don't ask me who, is in my classes. Now every time I see her, I think of what's been put on the poop house walls.
Cleanliness: 4 out of 5. The streaks and floaties subtract a point, but that's not the fault of anyone.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. Even through a busy finals week I have never had a problem going to the bathroom there. It's nice and quiet in there as well.
Overall: 19 out of 25. Relieve some of the stress that comes with writing that long research paper in the computer center. Stop on by the men's room.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Selwyn Hall, Third Floor. Men's Room
Nelson and I did some time traveling here. This baby is a relic. I couldn't believe my eyes. I was in a museum, a museum of crap. As some of you may already know, Selwyn hall was once home to many Albrightians. More recently these dormitories were turned into offices; all but that beautiful restroom. The showers were kept clean, urinals were disappointedly out of order (with due cause, piss is acidic, and we don't need it ruining our fondest of toilet memories here at this fine institution), and the sinks are still clean as a whistle. The only unoriginal features that I could find on this beauty were the foamy soap dispenser and a paint job. Gosh I love that stuff. It's surely an appreciated upgrade.
Let's get to the poopers! First thing's first, for being as old as it is, there was no writing on the walls. This leads me to believe that the white paint is currently hiding something dirty. I'm thinking there had to be something about someone's mom, or a strange homosexual request. The stalls weren't as roomy as I would have liked, but I don't think they planned for the obesity rate to blow out of control in this country at the time it was constructed. The seats were still stable though, and with years upon years of being sat on you will find yourself at ease with these almost cushiony plastic seats.
An interesting thing, and certainly a sign of the times are the cigarette burns on top of the sanitary bags dispenser. Smoking must not have been as frowned upon, cause this thing was turned into an ashtray. This is also a clue that it was originally a woman's bathroom, or that men have evolved in some strange way that we now no longer need sanitary bags in the last century, or half a century ago... whenever this place was built.
I must caution you though. Some say this bathroom is haunted, and you will get enough creaky noises up there to crap your pants... Wait a second, you'll be taking a steamer, so don't worry about soiling yourself. You'll be in the perfect place for the crap being scared out of you!
Ratings:
Comfort: 3 out of 5. Some people are into classics, others like the newer items on the market. The seats are contours after years of visitors though. Creaky noises might leave you unsettled as well, and a startled man is an inefficient poop master.
Accessibility: 1 out of 5. Who goes into Selwyn anyway? And those of you who complain about the hike up 3 stories in Masters might as well just go crap on a sidewalk.
Cleanliness: 3 out of 5. Cigarette burns are a minus. And it's old. It most likely has a dark history.
Writings: 1 out of 5. Even though I didn't see any, I still say that paint is hiding something.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. No one will be up there, so bring a buddy. You might interrupt a ghost while dropping of his ectoplasmic matter, but I wouldn't be too worried.
Overall: 13 out of 25. Get up there and see it for yourself.
Let's get to the poopers! First thing's first, for being as old as it is, there was no writing on the walls. This leads me to believe that the white paint is currently hiding something dirty. I'm thinking there had to be something about someone's mom, or a strange homosexual request. The stalls weren't as roomy as I would have liked, but I don't think they planned for the obesity rate to blow out of control in this country at the time it was constructed. The seats were still stable though, and with years upon years of being sat on you will find yourself at ease with these almost cushiony plastic seats.
An interesting thing, and certainly a sign of the times are the cigarette burns on top of the sanitary bags dispenser. Smoking must not have been as frowned upon, cause this thing was turned into an ashtray. This is also a clue that it was originally a woman's bathroom, or that men have evolved in some strange way that we now no longer need sanitary bags in the last century, or half a century ago... whenever this place was built.
I must caution you though. Some say this bathroom is haunted, and you will get enough creaky noises up there to crap your pants... Wait a second, you'll be taking a steamer, so don't worry about soiling yourself. You'll be in the perfect place for the crap being scared out of you!
Ratings:
Comfort: 3 out of 5. Some people are into classics, others like the newer items on the market. The seats are contours after years of visitors though. Creaky noises might leave you unsettled as well, and a startled man is an inefficient poop master.
Accessibility: 1 out of 5. Who goes into Selwyn anyway? And those of you who complain about the hike up 3 stories in Masters might as well just go crap on a sidewalk.
Cleanliness: 3 out of 5. Cigarette burns are a minus. And it's old. It most likely has a dark history.
Writings: 1 out of 5. Even though I didn't see any, I still say that paint is hiding something.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. No one will be up there, so bring a buddy. You might interrupt a ghost while dropping of his ectoplasmic matter, but I wouldn't be too worried.
Overall: 13 out of 25. Get up there and see it for yourself.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Alumni Hall. First Floor. Ladies Room?
That's right ladies. I've got a special treat for you. The rumors are true despite what both men and women say, girls do poop, and they poop somethin' fierce. Nelson and I were pretty bored Super Bowl Sunday, so we did some exploring. The men's room just wasn't big enough for the both of us. So with a little initiative from Nelsalziones, I decided to sneak on over to the ladies room. It wasn't easy though. There was a fashion professor, or some fashion lady in the room right across from the poop shack. I had to be swift. I had to be stealthy. I had to be daring. As she turned her head I felt that I was out of her peripheral vision, and I snuck inside.
So let's talk about this place. Bland, bland, bland. Where's the excitement girls? I remember from high school rumors of posting slut reports and horrible back stabbing lies written on the walls. There was nothing, and you should be ashamed!
Other than that, the room was quite tidy. You are very clean and should be proud of that. At least you can say it doesn't smell like zoo animals. It was not the most accommodating of stalls though. It was a tight squeeze for even me, and I am no behemoth. Only anorexic fashion models could fit in there. How apropos, considering the fashion department is right next door.
Getting out of there was awkward. The classroom was right across from the bathroom. And there is not a doubt in my mind that the woman that was in the classroom saw me leave. Girls, if you leave a stinky in there, then everyone in the fashion department will know about it, and they will point their fingers at you!!!
Ratings:
Comfort: 2 out of 5. It was tight in there. If you are of plumper stature or if you are an anorxic girl with a bony butt then you are not going to enjoy it.
Accessibility: 2 out of 5. For girls, if they want to go out of their way, they can. Men, unless you are bold, you aren't going to get in there, and frankly it isn't worth the effort.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. No complaints here. Even your sanitary bags were in order. Well done!
Writings: 0 out of 5. It's a little too clean I'm afraid.
Crowdedness: 3 out of 5. It's a one woman stall. Girls are going to have to wait outside before unloading. This may make you girls feel rushed though, so I knocked it down a couple of pegs.
Overall: 12 out of 25. Comfort and writings hurt my only experience in a woman's bathroom here on campus. If you have any suggestions girls, let me know. That is, if you don't mind my bottom on one of your coveted seats.
So let's talk about this place. Bland, bland, bland. Where's the excitement girls? I remember from high school rumors of posting slut reports and horrible back stabbing lies written on the walls. There was nothing, and you should be ashamed!
Other than that, the room was quite tidy. You are very clean and should be proud of that. At least you can say it doesn't smell like zoo animals. It was not the most accommodating of stalls though. It was a tight squeeze for even me, and I am no behemoth. Only anorexic fashion models could fit in there. How apropos, considering the fashion department is right next door.
Getting out of there was awkward. The classroom was right across from the bathroom. And there is not a doubt in my mind that the woman that was in the classroom saw me leave. Girls, if you leave a stinky in there, then everyone in the fashion department will know about it, and they will point their fingers at you!!!
Ratings:
Comfort: 2 out of 5. It was tight in there. If you are of plumper stature or if you are an anorxic girl with a bony butt then you are not going to enjoy it.
Accessibility: 2 out of 5. For girls, if they want to go out of their way, they can. Men, unless you are bold, you aren't going to get in there, and frankly it isn't worth the effort.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. No complaints here. Even your sanitary bags were in order. Well done!
Writings: 0 out of 5. It's a little too clean I'm afraid.
Crowdedness: 3 out of 5. It's a one woman stall. Girls are going to have to wait outside before unloading. This may make you girls feel rushed though, so I knocked it down a couple of pegs.
Overall: 12 out of 25. Comfort and writings hurt my only experience in a woman's bathroom here on campus. If you have any suggestions girls, let me know. That is, if you don't mind my bottom on one of your coveted seats.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
The Executive Suite
By request my journey led me to this Mecca among facilities. Sadly, I had to leave Nelson behind. This bathroom is in a way a personal sanctuary. So I trekked off alone.
As I passed through the hall, anticipation began to rise. I could feel something in my stomach. I don't know if it was a coming bowel movement or just pure excited to share my experience with the world.
As I entered I was surrounded by the color of purity, white. Glorious white tiles and white paint reflected the light from heaven itself. I knew right away that I had found a home. I set my things on the heater next to the sink, as if I walked in my front door after a long day's work, and I went right for my chair or "throne" if you will.
The seat was just right. My legs were equidistant and I was perfectly parallel, seated in the optimum position for delivering the goods. My surroundings were peaceful and calm. There was but one writing on the wall, "poop." So simple. So eloquent. Whoever wrote this is surely an artist working with the medium of philosophy on plastic.
Even the flush sent my package in a smooth transition through the cool waters towards its final destination. The warm water from the tall faucet and foamy soap left my hands sparkly clean. You could see the rosy glow in my cheeks in the reflection in the mirror.
Upon leaving I felt, besides a half a pound lighter, a little bit more satisfaction than usual. I accredit this to the "executive suite." Thank you. It was a pleasure.
Ratings:
Comfort: 5 out of 5. Untouchable.
Accessibility: 5 out of 5. I will not tell you where it is. You must find this sacred place on your own journey
Writings: 5 out of 5. Deep and Profound.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. White shows all, and there was no filth to show. This bathroom is sublime.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. It's in just the right spot that you should never have a problem. If you ever do, give the person the courtesy. Humility and selflessness goes a long way. His satisfaction should leave you at peace with using a "second best."
Overall: 25 out of 25. It symbolizes perfection.
As I passed through the hall, anticipation began to rise. I could feel something in my stomach. I don't know if it was a coming bowel movement or just pure excited to share my experience with the world.
As I entered I was surrounded by the color of purity, white. Glorious white tiles and white paint reflected the light from heaven itself. I knew right away that I had found a home. I set my things on the heater next to the sink, as if I walked in my front door after a long day's work, and I went right for my chair or "throne" if you will.
The seat was just right. My legs were equidistant and I was perfectly parallel, seated in the optimum position for delivering the goods. My surroundings were peaceful and calm. There was but one writing on the wall, "poop." So simple. So eloquent. Whoever wrote this is surely an artist working with the medium of philosophy on plastic.
Even the flush sent my package in a smooth transition through the cool waters towards its final destination. The warm water from the tall faucet and foamy soap left my hands sparkly clean. You could see the rosy glow in my cheeks in the reflection in the mirror.
Upon leaving I felt, besides a half a pound lighter, a little bit more satisfaction than usual. I accredit this to the "executive suite." Thank you. It was a pleasure.
Ratings:
Comfort: 5 out of 5. Untouchable.
Accessibility: 5 out of 5. I will not tell you where it is. You must find this sacred place on your own journey
Writings: 5 out of 5. Deep and Profound.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. White shows all, and there was no filth to show. This bathroom is sublime.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. It's in just the right spot that you should never have a problem. If you ever do, give the person the courtesy. Humility and selflessness goes a long way. His satisfaction should leave you at peace with using a "second best."
Overall: 25 out of 25. It symbolizes perfection.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Teel. Third Floor. Men's Room
Let's talk teel hall. Let's talk trickery. Let's talk tight spaces. The outing started with a deceptive handicapped bathroom. Upon seeing the tight seat, I panicked and dove into the stall that Nels was trying to sit in. We ended up wrestling for the spot, and to the untrained ear it could have sounded like a little more than wrestling. As a last ditch effort, I tried the trout. Slippery like the trout is I lost footing and Nelson pushed me out of the stall successfully... Lucky Man.
So there I was staring at this contraption of a toilet. I knew what I had to do, so I dropped trou and had a sit. The space was so tight I was practically giving myself the fruitbasket (ask for explanation). This posed quite a comfort problem. I couldn't spread my legs for comfort because the handicapped bars had me trapped. Meanwhile, Nelson was laughing to himself as he was basking in comfort. I didn't want to touch the ice cold bars so I kept my legs tight. DIOS MIO, this place fails in comfort. I made an amazing discovery while sitting there, as I often do my best thinking in the confinement of a bathroom stall. (You will have to ask me about this discovery as well, because it's just too explicit to describe here in this Blog. Remember, I do a service. I'm not here to gross people out.)
After the discovery was made we did some soul searching, wait, no we didn't we examined the bathroom as we always do. And here are the ratings.
Comfort: 2 out of 5. Nelson was snickering to himself as I sat in handicapped misery.
Accessibility: 1 out of 5. Who the heck wants to hike up there? It's on the other side of campus on the third floor. I'll take Master's or the Chapel over this any day.
Writings: 0 out of 5. Give us a reason to get up there, because there is nothing to read on these walls right now.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. Nicely done.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. Unless you have the unusual situation of fighting with your poopin' buddy for a stall, there will be little competition.
Overall: 13 out of 25. One of the two stalls in the bathroom are nice, and you don't want to hike all the way up there for a 50/50 chance. Find a different hole for your dirt.
So there I was staring at this contraption of a toilet. I knew what I had to do, so I dropped trou and had a sit. The space was so tight I was practically giving myself the fruitbasket (ask for explanation). This posed quite a comfort problem. I couldn't spread my legs for comfort because the handicapped bars had me trapped. Meanwhile, Nelson was laughing to himself as he was basking in comfort. I didn't want to touch the ice cold bars so I kept my legs tight. DIOS MIO, this place fails in comfort. I made an amazing discovery while sitting there, as I often do my best thinking in the confinement of a bathroom stall. (You will have to ask me about this discovery as well, because it's just too explicit to describe here in this Blog. Remember, I do a service. I'm not here to gross people out.)
After the discovery was made we did some soul searching, wait, no we didn't we examined the bathroom as we always do. And here are the ratings.
Comfort: 2 out of 5. Nelson was snickering to himself as I sat in handicapped misery.
Accessibility: 1 out of 5. Who the heck wants to hike up there? It's on the other side of campus on the third floor. I'll take Master's or the Chapel over this any day.
Writings: 0 out of 5. Give us a reason to get up there, because there is nothing to read on these walls right now.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. Nicely done.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. Unless you have the unusual situation of fighting with your poopin' buddy for a stall, there will be little competition.
Overall: 13 out of 25. One of the two stalls in the bathroom are nice, and you don't want to hike all the way up there for a 50/50 chance. Find a different hole for your dirt.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Administration. Basement. Men's Room.
They don't call the basement the dungeon for nothing. Man that place is lame. The bathroom was not much better. The dark creepiness of this place did not give me a comfortable feeling, and the unaccomodating toilets left me at a low position that was in no way shape or form ideal for letting the logs down the river. The bathroom is bland with little writings on the walls, and the paint actually prevents writings from being very legible on the outside stalls. There is a random splashing of brown on the off white paint that resembles the occasional streak mark that you may have left on the porcelain.
A real plus to this bathroom though is its proximity to our coveted radio station WXAC. If you catch it on a good hour you might hear some music that will put you in a mood suitable for your kind of deuce. If it's a tough squeeze, hard rock in the evening should pump you up. If you just had some Mexican for lunch, well then the Spanish hour should liven you up almost enough to make you dance while you are sitting.
If you are in for a little adventure and feel like walking to the beat of Albright College radio, then I suggest you stop on by. And don't forget to leave some writings where you can.
Ratings:
Comfort: 3 out of 5. This place is dark and dreary, but like I said some music may just soften you right up.
Accessibility: 1 of 5. I think the next floor down might be hell, so be careful if you choose to walk around down there.
Writings: 1 out of 5. I personally don't remember anything important on there, so surprise me!
Cleanliness: 4 out of 5. That brown thrown throughout the paint bothers me, but not many people hit this particular potty often, so cleanliness is not an issue.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. Like I said before, it's out of the way and it might be close to hell, and we all know you can't crap in hell, or escape from there. I would say you will be basking in privacy there.
Overall: 14 out of 25. The Dungeon's bathroom is not really up to snuff, but if have an itching for Lewis and Clark, then I encourage you to explore.
A real plus to this bathroom though is its proximity to our coveted radio station WXAC. If you catch it on a good hour you might hear some music that will put you in a mood suitable for your kind of deuce. If it's a tough squeeze, hard rock in the evening should pump you up. If you just had some Mexican for lunch, well then the Spanish hour should liven you up almost enough to make you dance while you are sitting.
If you are in for a little adventure and feel like walking to the beat of Albright College radio, then I suggest you stop on by. And don't forget to leave some writings where you can.
Ratings:
Comfort: 3 out of 5. This place is dark and dreary, but like I said some music may just soften you right up.
Accessibility: 1 of 5. I think the next floor down might be hell, so be careful if you choose to walk around down there.
Writings: 1 out of 5. I personally don't remember anything important on there, so surprise me!
Cleanliness: 4 out of 5. That brown thrown throughout the paint bothers me, but not many people hit this particular potty often, so cleanliness is not an issue.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. Like I said before, it's out of the way and it might be close to hell, and we all know you can't crap in hell, or escape from there. I would say you will be basking in privacy there.
Overall: 14 out of 25. The Dungeon's bathroom is not really up to snuff, but if have an itching for Lewis and Clark, then I encourage you to explore.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Cafeteria. Men's Room.
First of all, let me apologize for my tardiness with this posting. I am overdue, and I beg your forgiveness. Sadly the cafeteria bathroom had little to offer. It is an infant among senior citizens. There are no writings on the walls, so I'm not suggesting anything, but it would be nice to find some "stall tennis" or phone numbers for a good time. The color scheme conveys a mellow smoothness that should calm any man down after eating an Albright meal that may stir even the hardest of stomachs. And I know what your wondering, "Is this bathroom taco bar friendly?" I would have to say, absolutely. Come on, give it your best shot. There is no busting this porcelain.
For some reason this bathroom doesn't get too crowded either. I feel that people leave it abandoned simply because they aren't going in that direction. So please, upon exiting the cafeteria heading toward your next class, veer off the beaten path for a moment to experience this potty.
Ratings:
Comfort: 5 out of 5. Gentlemen, you are missing out. Remember, mellow smoothness.
Accessibility: 5 out of 5. Upon exiting the cafeteria, simply take a right and another right. Don't be rude and use the handicapped one either. You don't want to be that guy.
Writings: 0 out of 5. It's an infant.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. Facilities really does a number on this one.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. People are forgetting about this one, so explore.
Overall: 20 out of 25. It's young and brimming with life, and its simplicity puts it on our "Deuce Cabins to Watch" list.
For some reason this bathroom doesn't get too crowded either. I feel that people leave it abandoned simply because they aren't going in that direction. So please, upon exiting the cafeteria heading toward your next class, veer off the beaten path for a moment to experience this potty.
Ratings:
Comfort: 5 out of 5. Gentlemen, you are missing out. Remember, mellow smoothness.
Accessibility: 5 out of 5. Upon exiting the cafeteria, simply take a right and another right. Don't be rude and use the handicapped one either. You don't want to be that guy.
Writings: 0 out of 5. It's an infant.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. Facilities really does a number on this one.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. People are forgetting about this one, so explore.
Overall: 20 out of 25. It's young and brimming with life, and its simplicity puts it on our "Deuce Cabins to Watch" list.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Library. Men's Room
OK, I'm going to start this one off simply. The reason, ladies, that the Library stinks like fire and brimstone is because of the putrid stench of piss (according to me) and zoo animals (according to Nels). Where is that stench coming from? THE GUYS BATHROOM! And I'm not proud of it!!! You all should be ashamed of yourselves. I don't know if you have noticed, but the tiles under the urinals are being destroyed by some kind of acidic urine! What are you drinking?! I haven't even gotten to the stalls yet!
Black walls again... You know what that's covering up? Something stinky! Those black walls were not short of writings either. Those bad boys were foul!!! We can't put them in because they are a little too explicit. You will have to go take a steamer there yourself.
Here is where we run into problems. There is nothing else in this bathroom that is redeeming. The place stinks when you walk in there even if there aren't any Cosby's in the pool. It's tight as a drum in there too!
The only advantage to this bathroom is the unbelievable amount of reading material you could take with you. There are magazines, newspapers, books, books, and books at your disposal.
The ratings are tough for this place, 'cause regardless you are going to be going in there if you have to take a dump. You have been studying all night, and you can't hold it anymore... so you poop out of necessity.
Comfort: 1 out of 5. It has toilets in the academic sense, but it stinks.
Accessibility: 5 out of 5. You can get there if you want, but it stinks.
Writings: 5 out of 5. You have to see some of them to believe them.
Cleanliness: 1 out of 5. It's not the cleanest, and it stinks.
Crowdedness: 1 out of 5. Finals week is going to be crowded, which will make it continue to stink.
Overall: 13 out of 25. When you gotta go you gotta go. So grab a book, red flag it, and have a sit!
Black walls again... You know what that's covering up? Something stinky! Those black walls were not short of writings either. Those bad boys were foul!!! We can't put them in because they are a little too explicit. You will have to go take a steamer there yourself.
Here is where we run into problems. There is nothing else in this bathroom that is redeeming. The place stinks when you walk in there even if there aren't any Cosby's in the pool. It's tight as a drum in there too!
The only advantage to this bathroom is the unbelievable amount of reading material you could take with you. There are magazines, newspapers, books, books, and books at your disposal.
The ratings are tough for this place, 'cause regardless you are going to be going in there if you have to take a dump. You have been studying all night, and you can't hold it anymore... so you poop out of necessity.
Comfort: 1 out of 5. It has toilets in the academic sense, but it stinks.
Accessibility: 5 out of 5. You can get there if you want, but it stinks.
Writings: 5 out of 5. You have to see some of them to believe them.
Cleanliness: 1 out of 5. It's not the cleanest, and it stinks.
Crowdedness: 1 out of 5. Finals week is going to be crowded, which will make it continue to stink.
Overall: 13 out of 25. When you gotta go you gotta go. So grab a book, red flag it, and have a sit!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Science Hall. Basement. Men's Room
Nelson and I felt quite comfortable holding our science experiments in these facilities. It was definitely capable of holding its share of methane gas... and poo.
The first thing that amazed us was the size. It is definitely one of the Taj Mahals of Albright bathrooms. Nelson took advantage of the larger of the four, count 'em four, stalls. He enjoyed the spaciousness and found it to be quite cozy. And don't worry about having to set your bookbags on the often dubious floors, there are coat hangers right outside the bathroom. We even weight tested them with our bags full of books and coats full of keys and whatever else we put in coat pockets (probably stuff that doesn't amount to anything).
There isn't a whole lot to comment about with this deuce hut so I'll get right to the ratings.
Comfort: 5 out of 5. The seats conformed well to our bottoms, and we are assuming the same for you unless you are morbidly obese.
Accessibility: 3 out of 5. If you are taking a walk from Teel or if you just got out of a Bio class that leaves you wanting to release some organic matter back into the environment, then we invite you to use these poopers.
Writings: 0 out of 5. We didn't see anything.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. They must use their lab cleaning supplies in there or somethin' cause the thrones shine.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. There is no way you will have a hard time doing your business in there. If you do, you can come take a dump at our place.
Overall: 18 out of 25. Like I said, there isn't much to post here. It isn't the most exciting place in the world, but it's big and clean, and it gets the job done.
The first thing that amazed us was the size. It is definitely one of the Taj Mahals of Albright bathrooms. Nelson took advantage of the larger of the four, count 'em four, stalls. He enjoyed the spaciousness and found it to be quite cozy. And don't worry about having to set your bookbags on the often dubious floors, there are coat hangers right outside the bathroom. We even weight tested them with our bags full of books and coats full of keys and whatever else we put in coat pockets (probably stuff that doesn't amount to anything).
There isn't a whole lot to comment about with this deuce hut so I'll get right to the ratings.
Comfort: 5 out of 5. The seats conformed well to our bottoms, and we are assuming the same for you unless you are morbidly obese.
Accessibility: 3 out of 5. If you are taking a walk from Teel or if you just got out of a Bio class that leaves you wanting to release some organic matter back into the environment, then we invite you to use these poopers.
Writings: 0 out of 5. We didn't see anything.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. They must use their lab cleaning supplies in there or somethin' cause the thrones shine.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. There is no way you will have a hard time doing your business in there. If you do, you can come take a dump at our place.
Overall: 18 out of 25. Like I said, there isn't much to post here. It isn't the most exciting place in the world, but it's big and clean, and it gets the job done.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Alumni Hall, 3rd Floor, Unisex
That's right ladies and gentlemen, a special unisex bathroom was up on the third floor of this historic Albright Building. The strangest thing, was that there were two stalls. So theoretically a guy and an unlucky lady could do their hard labor in there at the same time.
We found the bathroom close to the Digital Media Center to be quite special. The lights were off on that sunny morning, and the natural lighting would have told us otherwise. It really heated up our backs while we were sitting on our respective thrones.
The bathrooms were quite tidy as well. There were even little baggies for the ladies and their "feminine products." This was quite a surprise to Nelson and I because it was our first time dropping our loads where women had ready access on campus. Yeah guys, women do take dumps despite what we think.
I, being a man of tall stature, found the stalls to be a little cramped. I kept bumping the toilet paper dispenser majiggy with my shoulder. And as Chevron so keenly pointed out in his comment (thanks buddy), when you are lugging around a book bag, jacket, and you ladies with your purses, this could pose a serious problem.
Now I know what you are saying guys, "I'm not a fashion major, and I don't care for media, especially the digital kind. Why do I want to go up there?" Well I have the answer, your butt deserves a little exploring. Step outside the box and go try the unisex bathroom in Alumni Hall. It won't let you down.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5. It was cramped in there, but you guys can't turn down a little warmth from our closest star.
Accessiblity: 2 out of 5. If you are around the Science building, or taking a stroll out of the library, well it's right around the corner.
Writings: 0 out of 5. There was nothing of interest on these walls, but silence sometimes makes a louder impact than your farts.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. This baby was spotless. You don't eat where you crap, but... Yeah, you get the point.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. I'll bet you guys didn't even know this place existed.
Overall: 16 out of 25. Ladies and gents, I know this isn't the best place for a date, but you can finally feel comfortable around eachother while doin' your doodies.
We found the bathroom close to the Digital Media Center to be quite special. The lights were off on that sunny morning, and the natural lighting would have told us otherwise. It really heated up our backs while we were sitting on our respective thrones.
The bathrooms were quite tidy as well. There were even little baggies for the ladies and their "feminine products." This was quite a surprise to Nelson and I because it was our first time dropping our loads where women had ready access on campus. Yeah guys, women do take dumps despite what we think.
I, being a man of tall stature, found the stalls to be a little cramped. I kept bumping the toilet paper dispenser majiggy with my shoulder. And as Chevron so keenly pointed out in his comment (thanks buddy), when you are lugging around a book bag, jacket, and you ladies with your purses, this could pose a serious problem.
Now I know what you are saying guys, "I'm not a fashion major, and I don't care for media, especially the digital kind. Why do I want to go up there?" Well I have the answer, your butt deserves a little exploring. Step outside the box and go try the unisex bathroom in Alumni Hall. It won't let you down.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5. It was cramped in there, but you guys can't turn down a little warmth from our closest star.
Accessiblity: 2 out of 5. If you are around the Science building, or taking a stroll out of the library, well it's right around the corner.
Writings: 0 out of 5. There was nothing of interest on these walls, but silence sometimes makes a louder impact than your farts.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. This baby was spotless. You don't eat where you crap, but... Yeah, you get the point.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. I'll bet you guys didn't even know this place existed.
Overall: 16 out of 25. Ladies and gents, I know this isn't the best place for a date, but you can finally feel comfortable around eachother while doin' your doodies.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Chapel, Basement, Men's Room
Does the house of God also contain a quality restroom? Well let's just say the Lord's powers are not only for the people in the pews. The nostalgic toilets were surely blessed. The seats have comfy curves that have probably been aged by years of bottoms. Nels and I found that the writing on the walls however was quite heretical. Anything from racial slurs to promises of guilt-free sex were the topics of expression. My stall had something a little special... It was called stall tennis. Look right. Look left. Look Right. Look left. Look... HAHAHA GOT ME!!!
We found the lighting to be a little dimmer than that of Masters Hall, and let's say that the smells produced will not set a mood for romanticism, though again the writing on the wall would suggest otherwise. However, the stalls gave ample elbow room so rest a assured you will be comfortable during those long, agonizing "hanger-ons." We found the stalls to be private as well. So if you feel like you need some prayer and reflection time while doing your dirty business, we suggest you try out the chapel basement bathroom.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5, We really liked the old school toilets.
Accessibility: 3 out of 5, It's a bit out of the way, but we think it is worth a pilgrimage
Writings: 4 out of 5, Here's why, "What are you laughin' at? The joke's between your legs."
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5, Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5, Like I said, if you want to pray in there, you can take your time.
Overall Rating: 21 out of 25, If I was God, I would crap there.
We found the lighting to be a little dimmer than that of Masters Hall, and let's say that the smells produced will not set a mood for romanticism, though again the writing on the wall would suggest otherwise. However, the stalls gave ample elbow room so rest a assured you will be comfortable during those long, agonizing "hanger-ons." We found the stalls to be private as well. So if you feel like you need some prayer and reflection time while doing your dirty business, we suggest you try out the chapel basement bathroom.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5, We really liked the old school toilets.
Accessibility: 3 out of 5, It's a bit out of the way, but we think it is worth a pilgrimage
Writings: 4 out of 5, Here's why, "What are you laughin' at? The joke's between your legs."
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5, Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5, Like I said, if you want to pray in there, you can take your time.
Overall Rating: 21 out of 25, If I was God, I would crap there.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Masters Hall, First Floor, Men's Room
If you enjoy a view and some spaciousness while delivering your brown mail to the office, I feel that you will thoroughly enjoy the facilities in Masters Hall. While there is no actual view from the blurry window, it provides wonderful natural lighting. The white tiles add to that lively feeling, which will really fire you up for leaving behind some of your best performances. As I mentioned before, the rear stall is quite comfy and there is plenty of room. It is probably meant for a wheelchair, but it leaves ample space to put your book bag or gym bag.
My partner in crime, Nelson found himself placed in the smaller of the two stalls as I called dibs on the larger. It was easily accessed which would enable you to unzip and drop those drawers right as you entered the bathroom. Nelson's only real complaint is that it is not the most private of stalls. I was quite capable of holding an eye to eye conversation with him as he finished his business. Some people may find that unsettling.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5, Remember the eye to eye talk?
accessibility: 4 out of 5, You must enter the teachers hall on the first floor which is occasionally forgotten while entering Masters.
Writings: 0 out of 5, Sadly there was no literature on these stall doors or walls.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5, Spotless!
Crowdedness: 4 out of 5, You may get that awkward moment of seeing a professor zipping up his pants.
Overall Rating: 17 out of 25. Despite no writing, it is an excellent choice.
My partner in crime, Nelson found himself placed in the smaller of the two stalls as I called dibs on the larger. It was easily accessed which would enable you to unzip and drop those drawers right as you entered the bathroom. Nelson's only real complaint is that it is not the most private of stalls. I was quite capable of holding an eye to eye conversation with him as he finished his business. Some people may find that unsettling.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5, Remember the eye to eye talk?
accessibility: 4 out of 5, You must enter the teachers hall on the first floor which is occasionally forgotten while entering Masters.
Writings: 0 out of 5, Sadly there was no literature on these stall doors or walls.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5, Spotless!
Crowdedness: 4 out of 5, You may get that awkward moment of seeing a professor zipping up his pants.
Overall Rating: 17 out of 25. Despite no writing, it is an excellent choice.
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