First of all, let me apologize for my tardiness with this posting. I am overdue, and I beg your forgiveness. Sadly the cafeteria bathroom had little to offer. It is an infant among senior citizens. There are no writings on the walls, so I'm not suggesting anything, but it would be nice to find some "stall tennis" or phone numbers for a good time. The color scheme conveys a mellow smoothness that should calm any man down after eating an Albright meal that may stir even the hardest of stomachs. And I know what your wondering, "Is this bathroom taco bar friendly?" I would have to say, absolutely. Come on, give it your best shot. There is no busting this porcelain.
For some reason this bathroom doesn't get too crowded either. I feel that people leave it abandoned simply because they aren't going in that direction. So please, upon exiting the cafeteria heading toward your next class, veer off the beaten path for a moment to experience this potty.
Ratings:
Comfort: 5 out of 5. Gentlemen, you are missing out. Remember, mellow smoothness.
Accessibility: 5 out of 5. Upon exiting the cafeteria, simply take a right and another right. Don't be rude and use the handicapped one either. You don't want to be that guy.
Writings: 0 out of 5. It's an infant.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. Facilities really does a number on this one.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. People are forgetting about this one, so explore.
Overall: 20 out of 25. It's young and brimming with life, and its simplicity puts it on our "Deuce Cabins to Watch" list.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Library. Men's Room
OK, I'm going to start this one off simply. The reason, ladies, that the Library stinks like fire and brimstone is because of the putrid stench of piss (according to me) and zoo animals (according to Nels). Where is that stench coming from? THE GUYS BATHROOM! And I'm not proud of it!!! You all should be ashamed of yourselves. I don't know if you have noticed, but the tiles under the urinals are being destroyed by some kind of acidic urine! What are you drinking?! I haven't even gotten to the stalls yet!
Black walls again... You know what that's covering up? Something stinky! Those black walls were not short of writings either. Those bad boys were foul!!! We can't put them in because they are a little too explicit. You will have to go take a steamer there yourself.
Here is where we run into problems. There is nothing else in this bathroom that is redeeming. The place stinks when you walk in there even if there aren't any Cosby's in the pool. It's tight as a drum in there too!
The only advantage to this bathroom is the unbelievable amount of reading material you could take with you. There are magazines, newspapers, books, books, and books at your disposal.
The ratings are tough for this place, 'cause regardless you are going to be going in there if you have to take a dump. You have been studying all night, and you can't hold it anymore... so you poop out of necessity.
Comfort: 1 out of 5. It has toilets in the academic sense, but it stinks.
Accessibility: 5 out of 5. You can get there if you want, but it stinks.
Writings: 5 out of 5. You have to see some of them to believe them.
Cleanliness: 1 out of 5. It's not the cleanest, and it stinks.
Crowdedness: 1 out of 5. Finals week is going to be crowded, which will make it continue to stink.
Overall: 13 out of 25. When you gotta go you gotta go. So grab a book, red flag it, and have a sit!
Black walls again... You know what that's covering up? Something stinky! Those black walls were not short of writings either. Those bad boys were foul!!! We can't put them in because they are a little too explicit. You will have to go take a steamer there yourself.
Here is where we run into problems. There is nothing else in this bathroom that is redeeming. The place stinks when you walk in there even if there aren't any Cosby's in the pool. It's tight as a drum in there too!
The only advantage to this bathroom is the unbelievable amount of reading material you could take with you. There are magazines, newspapers, books, books, and books at your disposal.
The ratings are tough for this place, 'cause regardless you are going to be going in there if you have to take a dump. You have been studying all night, and you can't hold it anymore... so you poop out of necessity.
Comfort: 1 out of 5. It has toilets in the academic sense, but it stinks.
Accessibility: 5 out of 5. You can get there if you want, but it stinks.
Writings: 5 out of 5. You have to see some of them to believe them.
Cleanliness: 1 out of 5. It's not the cleanest, and it stinks.
Crowdedness: 1 out of 5. Finals week is going to be crowded, which will make it continue to stink.
Overall: 13 out of 25. When you gotta go you gotta go. So grab a book, red flag it, and have a sit!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Science Hall. Basement. Men's Room
Nelson and I felt quite comfortable holding our science experiments in these facilities. It was definitely capable of holding its share of methane gas... and poo.
The first thing that amazed us was the size. It is definitely one of the Taj Mahals of Albright bathrooms. Nelson took advantage of the larger of the four, count 'em four, stalls. He enjoyed the spaciousness and found it to be quite cozy. And don't worry about having to set your bookbags on the often dubious floors, there are coat hangers right outside the bathroom. We even weight tested them with our bags full of books and coats full of keys and whatever else we put in coat pockets (probably stuff that doesn't amount to anything).
There isn't a whole lot to comment about with this deuce hut so I'll get right to the ratings.
Comfort: 5 out of 5. The seats conformed well to our bottoms, and we are assuming the same for you unless you are morbidly obese.
Accessibility: 3 out of 5. If you are taking a walk from Teel or if you just got out of a Bio class that leaves you wanting to release some organic matter back into the environment, then we invite you to use these poopers.
Writings: 0 out of 5. We didn't see anything.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. They must use their lab cleaning supplies in there or somethin' cause the thrones shine.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. There is no way you will have a hard time doing your business in there. If you do, you can come take a dump at our place.
Overall: 18 out of 25. Like I said, there isn't much to post here. It isn't the most exciting place in the world, but it's big and clean, and it gets the job done.
The first thing that amazed us was the size. It is definitely one of the Taj Mahals of Albright bathrooms. Nelson took advantage of the larger of the four, count 'em four, stalls. He enjoyed the spaciousness and found it to be quite cozy. And don't worry about having to set your bookbags on the often dubious floors, there are coat hangers right outside the bathroom. We even weight tested them with our bags full of books and coats full of keys and whatever else we put in coat pockets (probably stuff that doesn't amount to anything).
There isn't a whole lot to comment about with this deuce hut so I'll get right to the ratings.
Comfort: 5 out of 5. The seats conformed well to our bottoms, and we are assuming the same for you unless you are morbidly obese.
Accessibility: 3 out of 5. If you are taking a walk from Teel or if you just got out of a Bio class that leaves you wanting to release some organic matter back into the environment, then we invite you to use these poopers.
Writings: 0 out of 5. We didn't see anything.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. They must use their lab cleaning supplies in there or somethin' cause the thrones shine.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. There is no way you will have a hard time doing your business in there. If you do, you can come take a dump at our place.
Overall: 18 out of 25. Like I said, there isn't much to post here. It isn't the most exciting place in the world, but it's big and clean, and it gets the job done.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Alumni Hall, 3rd Floor, Unisex
That's right ladies and gentlemen, a special unisex bathroom was up on the third floor of this historic Albright Building. The strangest thing, was that there were two stalls. So theoretically a guy and an unlucky lady could do their hard labor in there at the same time.
We found the bathroom close to the Digital Media Center to be quite special. The lights were off on that sunny morning, and the natural lighting would have told us otherwise. It really heated up our backs while we were sitting on our respective thrones.
The bathrooms were quite tidy as well. There were even little baggies for the ladies and their "feminine products." This was quite a surprise to Nelson and I because it was our first time dropping our loads where women had ready access on campus. Yeah guys, women do take dumps despite what we think.
I, being a man of tall stature, found the stalls to be a little cramped. I kept bumping the toilet paper dispenser majiggy with my shoulder. And as Chevron so keenly pointed out in his comment (thanks buddy), when you are lugging around a book bag, jacket, and you ladies with your purses, this could pose a serious problem.
Now I know what you are saying guys, "I'm not a fashion major, and I don't care for media, especially the digital kind. Why do I want to go up there?" Well I have the answer, your butt deserves a little exploring. Step outside the box and go try the unisex bathroom in Alumni Hall. It won't let you down.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5. It was cramped in there, but you guys can't turn down a little warmth from our closest star.
Accessiblity: 2 out of 5. If you are around the Science building, or taking a stroll out of the library, well it's right around the corner.
Writings: 0 out of 5. There was nothing of interest on these walls, but silence sometimes makes a louder impact than your farts.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. This baby was spotless. You don't eat where you crap, but... Yeah, you get the point.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. I'll bet you guys didn't even know this place existed.
Overall: 16 out of 25. Ladies and gents, I know this isn't the best place for a date, but you can finally feel comfortable around eachother while doin' your doodies.
We found the bathroom close to the Digital Media Center to be quite special. The lights were off on that sunny morning, and the natural lighting would have told us otherwise. It really heated up our backs while we were sitting on our respective thrones.
The bathrooms were quite tidy as well. There were even little baggies for the ladies and their "feminine products." This was quite a surprise to Nelson and I because it was our first time dropping our loads where women had ready access on campus. Yeah guys, women do take dumps despite what we think.
I, being a man of tall stature, found the stalls to be a little cramped. I kept bumping the toilet paper dispenser majiggy with my shoulder. And as Chevron so keenly pointed out in his comment (thanks buddy), when you are lugging around a book bag, jacket, and you ladies with your purses, this could pose a serious problem.
Now I know what you are saying guys, "I'm not a fashion major, and I don't care for media, especially the digital kind. Why do I want to go up there?" Well I have the answer, your butt deserves a little exploring. Step outside the box and go try the unisex bathroom in Alumni Hall. It won't let you down.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5. It was cramped in there, but you guys can't turn down a little warmth from our closest star.
Accessiblity: 2 out of 5. If you are around the Science building, or taking a stroll out of the library, well it's right around the corner.
Writings: 0 out of 5. There was nothing of interest on these walls, but silence sometimes makes a louder impact than your farts.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5. This baby was spotless. You don't eat where you crap, but... Yeah, you get the point.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5. I'll bet you guys didn't even know this place existed.
Overall: 16 out of 25. Ladies and gents, I know this isn't the best place for a date, but you can finally feel comfortable around eachother while doin' your doodies.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Chapel, Basement, Men's Room
Does the house of God also contain a quality restroom? Well let's just say the Lord's powers are not only for the people in the pews. The nostalgic toilets were surely blessed. The seats have comfy curves that have probably been aged by years of bottoms. Nels and I found that the writing on the walls however was quite heretical. Anything from racial slurs to promises of guilt-free sex were the topics of expression. My stall had something a little special... It was called stall tennis. Look right. Look left. Look Right. Look left. Look... HAHAHA GOT ME!!!
We found the lighting to be a little dimmer than that of Masters Hall, and let's say that the smells produced will not set a mood for romanticism, though again the writing on the wall would suggest otherwise. However, the stalls gave ample elbow room so rest a assured you will be comfortable during those long, agonizing "hanger-ons." We found the stalls to be private as well. So if you feel like you need some prayer and reflection time while doing your dirty business, we suggest you try out the chapel basement bathroom.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5, We really liked the old school toilets.
Accessibility: 3 out of 5, It's a bit out of the way, but we think it is worth a pilgrimage
Writings: 4 out of 5, Here's why, "What are you laughin' at? The joke's between your legs."
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5, Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5, Like I said, if you want to pray in there, you can take your time.
Overall Rating: 21 out of 25, If I was God, I would crap there.
We found the lighting to be a little dimmer than that of Masters Hall, and let's say that the smells produced will not set a mood for romanticism, though again the writing on the wall would suggest otherwise. However, the stalls gave ample elbow room so rest a assured you will be comfortable during those long, agonizing "hanger-ons." We found the stalls to be private as well. So if you feel like you need some prayer and reflection time while doing your dirty business, we suggest you try out the chapel basement bathroom.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5, We really liked the old school toilets.
Accessibility: 3 out of 5, It's a bit out of the way, but we think it is worth a pilgrimage
Writings: 4 out of 5, Here's why, "What are you laughin' at? The joke's between your legs."
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5, Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
Crowdedness: 5 out of 5, Like I said, if you want to pray in there, you can take your time.
Overall Rating: 21 out of 25, If I was God, I would crap there.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Masters Hall, First Floor, Men's Room
If you enjoy a view and some spaciousness while delivering your brown mail to the office, I feel that you will thoroughly enjoy the facilities in Masters Hall. While there is no actual view from the blurry window, it provides wonderful natural lighting. The white tiles add to that lively feeling, which will really fire you up for leaving behind some of your best performances. As I mentioned before, the rear stall is quite comfy and there is plenty of room. It is probably meant for a wheelchair, but it leaves ample space to put your book bag or gym bag.
My partner in crime, Nelson found himself placed in the smaller of the two stalls as I called dibs on the larger. It was easily accessed which would enable you to unzip and drop those drawers right as you entered the bathroom. Nelson's only real complaint is that it is not the most private of stalls. I was quite capable of holding an eye to eye conversation with him as he finished his business. Some people may find that unsettling.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5, Remember the eye to eye talk?
accessibility: 4 out of 5, You must enter the teachers hall on the first floor which is occasionally forgotten while entering Masters.
Writings: 0 out of 5, Sadly there was no literature on these stall doors or walls.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5, Spotless!
Crowdedness: 4 out of 5, You may get that awkward moment of seeing a professor zipping up his pants.
Overall Rating: 17 out of 25. Despite no writing, it is an excellent choice.
My partner in crime, Nelson found himself placed in the smaller of the two stalls as I called dibs on the larger. It was easily accessed which would enable you to unzip and drop those drawers right as you entered the bathroom. Nelson's only real complaint is that it is not the most private of stalls. I was quite capable of holding an eye to eye conversation with him as he finished his business. Some people may find that unsettling.
Ratings:
Comfort: 4 out of 5, Remember the eye to eye talk?
accessibility: 4 out of 5, You must enter the teachers hall on the first floor which is occasionally forgotten while entering Masters.
Writings: 0 out of 5, Sadly there was no literature on these stall doors or walls.
Cleanliness: 5 out of 5, Spotless!
Crowdedness: 4 out of 5, You may get that awkward moment of seeing a professor zipping up his pants.
Overall Rating: 17 out of 25. Despite no writing, it is an excellent choice.
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