Neato Burrito: Lemoyne, PA

As I stood up after eating my football-sized burrito, I felt a surge. It was not a surge of energy, but a surge of weight. And It came crashing hard into my bowels. I walked swiftly to the bathroom, through a crowd of anxious and unaware victims of the burrito on which they were soon to feast.

I stepped into the bathroom and felt like I stepped into a time warp! I was back in the 50's! Ads featuring old 7up bottles, Suzie homemakers, and healthy cigarettes were pasted to the taupe walls. There was even a little erotica for the pooping pervert, a small pinup for the Malrin Brando Movie "Sayanara." Looks like the movie is about him and a Japanese woman being very... well close... They were close.

No writing was required, but there was even the "I love you Mike," and the "I was here 2/11" written neatly in the top most corner of the wall. The handwriting was carefully written. I suspect a woman wrote it after relieving herself of her cowboy crunch (Neato's specialty.) Did I fail to mention this is a unisex bathroom?

After reading about vaccuums that were made of lead and paint that kids would enjoy eating, I got back onto my double-task. I glanced around the bathroom to check out the cleanliness. It is a spotless bathroom. They take pride in their museum of old magazines and waste. One rather disturbing, but most likely appropriate item in the bathroom is the 50 gallon bio hazard waste basket in the corner by the door. I was worried that when I threw my paper towel away (Yes I washed my hands. The sinks aren't just for employees.) I would find some glowing green gobs of goop. I mean it's possible. The restaurant is just minutes away from 3 mile island, and not everyone can make it to the toilet after eating a Neato.

Accessibility could be an issue though. You must walk passed the prospective buyers in the made-to-order line in order to get to the cozy quarters. This could pose a problem for the person who opens the valves for a quick toot to relieve some of the developing pressure. Any courteous person does not want to ruin a meal before it starts, so he or she may struggle while squeezing more than his or her cheeks by the tightly packed customers.

Over all the facilities are a delight! The vintage readings will be nostalgic for those who grew up in that era, and it will be like opening a history book for those of us who can only dream of what those times are like. This is one of the few times I would encourage crapping where you eat.

A long time away from my throne...

I'm back! Though with a little more, I mean, less discretion. I will no longer be talking solely of the toilets of my beloved college, but I will be putting to pen my thoughts about bathrooms from all of my travels. Though some exact locations, for professional reasons, will not be given.

With my new laptop, I can produce descriptions and ratings directly from the scene of the accident/crime/punishment/devastation/whatever. Like a king pondering on his throne, there I will be putting my best efforts into squeezing out details right there in real time.

So, please, join me again on this porcelain adventure. And feel free to share your own number two cents.